Freedom Sucks

I have sprung myself from the clutches of a mental institution (I finished my program there) and the real world is way harder than living in the institution. People do not understand how easy the world is when you are inside an institution. I am not sure, but people coming out of jails, juvie, long hospital stays and work in mine/lumber camps often feel the same way. In the other place everything is organised; your meals are prepared, there are people to look after you and there is a predictable schedule.

And then there is the time-dirty reality outside the walls. Where life has no schedule except what you give it and no one is looking after you. It is a harsh switch to have to make. I am trying to keep myself to a timetable, but it is hard when there is no one but yourself to keep you on track. My life has now become an attempt to keep me occupied and doing the things that will keep me healthy.

Wish me luck,

Goonius

Self Esteem and Mental Patients

Being a mental patient is a strange experience for me. I am in a wonderful hospital with wonderful staff, volunteers and various strips of crazy folk. I feel strange. There is a new stigma attached to me, in addition to my mental illness and learning disability. Now, I have been in a funny farm. I am trying to cut out the labels from my life, trying to cut out words like "broken", "wrong" and "outside" as they apply to me. Self esteem building is what I am trying to do. Unfortunately, there is no formula for fixing self esteem, no process by which self esteem can be generated externally. It needs to grow from within.

And it is delicate. Fragile like a southern flower in Timmins. The smallest thing can pull me down and it can take weeks for me to grow myself back into shape. But I am becoming more resilient. Thanks to being a mental patient in a mental institution. Treat food and exercise as medicine. Do not isolate yourself. Reach out and help as that will help you.

I am trying to be a good citizen and get back to being productive. I am months away from that, but I am getting better. I hope you are all pulling for me.

Goonius Maximus