Merry Fucking Christmas

This Christmas is going to be awkward. My in laws have just begun divorce proceedings. Whee, that makes a great topic for the dinner table after exchanging gifts. "So, your marriage of 30 years is down the tubes? I am sorry to hear that. Pass the gravy, please?"

I don't quite know how to respond to this. My family is far from perfect, but my mom and dad are together and have always been together. They may have hunted dinosaures together back in the day. They still are wandering around the North West Territories together. And I thought the same of my in laws. But there was always something not being said around the table, the missing words an undercurrent to all that was being said. I have come to know that my mom is unique in dealing with things as they are in a family situation. Dad can hide his thoughts a bit, but will gently try to find the source of the problem. And I get pissed off with dealing with only symptoms.

In this case, it is not appropriate for me to go digging for the truth. I have no real clue why my in laws have split up. But, I don't think that the split will actually solve any problems. I know there was no infidelity, no abuse, no concrete reason I can find for them to have gone there separate ways.

I am left confused and unable to sate my curiosity. That is the root of my discomfort. But the symptoms rough as well. With whom does my sister in law stay when she comes up? Where will Christmas dinner be? If my lady has difficulties that she needs a parent for, where does she go? Will the other parent be upset for not being picked? Many of these questions have been resolved for this Christmas, but they will have to be revisited for every holiday from now on.

Questions without answers. That is the untidy part of my world these days.

Thanks for listening.

Angsty Poetry

As I crash into the void of my heart
A thought occurs:
If this is nothing,
Why does it hurt?