Self Worth

I have fought to be where I am. I have a good job, good chances for promotion. I have a wife who is on the mend in a most enjoyable way, and I still feel shattered. I don’t like that. It feels like I am becoming less instead of more, shirking rather than rising to the occasion. I am attempting to rise. But, there is no buoyancy in me. It escaped, fled rather than play with me.

My soul is hurt and I cannot find the wound. And the wound does not matter. It is the scar that matters. I am a good employee. I am not afraid of hard work. I am a good husband and dog owner. I am a good brother and son. I have many skills to go with my flaws. I am told that my good bits out weigh the bad bits. I must prove this to myself in order to overcome this.

I am a good person. I am worth something.

Seeing What You Have

Good things are coming to me. It has taken some time for these good things to be realised or appreciated, but they are arriving. I have a job in which they have let me be as messed up as possible with out criminal charges, and they still want me. I have a good, growing and spreading group of friends. They are literally from coast to coast to (almost) coast. My lady is continuing improving her attitude and is becoming more … intimate.

The difficulty is that my life still feels stuck in stasis, held in place or cuffed to something large and heavy. I don’t feel the motion of my life, but if I look back I can see improvements. Sandra is becoming quite the tease, which is fun. But, at work, were I am having some difficulty shaking loose from the materials manager. I am trying to spring free of him, but as he has been unable to keep any other techs, and I have become “the guy” in his mind. So, I have been getting into mine closures and hydrology. And I think I have managed to impress other people in other departments in the company, so hopefully I will shake loose now.

Thanks for listening.